hazelnutbread

It's past midnight... And I should be sleeping, considering the fact that I have an exam on Tuesday (tomorrow, technically speaking) and a simulation on Wednesday and many other papers and projects and whatnot due in the next week or so. But sleep just eludes me...

My body may be at the point of exhaustion, but my mind feels overpowered by so many things. I feel as though I'm at the edge of becoming catatonic.

The things I used to find enjoyable no longer bring me the same spark of joy...

I've become less empathetic and have become indifferent...

At this point, I feel as though I won't be able to survive the rest of the quarter in this state of mind...

I don't remember why I'm doing this anymore...

I feel so lost and broken.

I don't like this feeling. Not at all.

Freedom has never felt so damn good.

*ehem*

Finals are finally over. School is out for the time being. I'm ready to collapse on my bed and sleep out the rest of my winter break before Winter quarter begins.

Ah, but there's so much to do. -_-'

Even on break, I still have to think about school-related things... I still have to buy my textbooks. Buying them from school is simply just too much! It's nearly 50% of my winter tuition. =_=' I guess I have to spend a portion of my free time perusing the Internet for good deals. *massive headache*

Even with that in mind, I'm going to commit myself to doing relaxing activities. I have a gut feeling this coming quarter is going to be an excruciatingly tough one.

In the meantime, my to do list of things I hope to accomplish (before I go back into the craziness of school. *cough, cough*):
_ Painting sessions (maybe some watercolors)
_ Photoshopping some works-in-progress
_ Plushie-making (maybe I'll do some commissions and giveaways if they turn out well, but that's only maybe)

It's been ages since the last time I logged on...

I shouldn't even be on here, considering the papers and outlines that I have to work on, but I really needed a break from insanity. There are so many things I'm lamenting, but oddly enough, I actually enjoy the work I do at the clinical sites...

Nursing school is no big joke. It's not just about being compassionate, patient, and caring; It requires so much energy, time, and critical thinking. And at the moment, I feel as though I've already maxed out my full brain power. After three back-to-back projects, an exam, and various other brain-stimulating activities and what-not, I feel as though I've gone through a whole decade of school. The unbelievable thing about this? It's only the first quarter.

Fall quarter ends in two weeks. It feels so very far away...

At the very moment, I lament the fact that:

1. I have no social life outside of school.

2. The only friends I hang out with are my nursing school classmates.

3. My hours of sleep have dwindled down to a mere hour or two.

I wish the end of the quarter would come sooner, but then again, I have to overcome three finals before I enter winter vacation.

I start school soon. In 10 days. GAH!

Even at my current age, I still feel a little scared and intimidated. I don't know anyone who goes there -- my college that is, but it's a good chance for me to make new friends who are actually around my age. Hopefully, I won't be too awkward (since I tend to bring the awkward atmosphere when I come into a room full of people, haha. That, or I'll end up being invisible).

Ah... I've run out of things to say...

Oh, I just realized... I haven't submitted anything (not counting snapshots) for the longest time. I keep telling myself that I'd do it soon, but... things keep coming in the way.



-Tentative To Do List-
[_] Watercolor: "No More Tears" (drawing, lineart, coloring)
[_] Watercolor: "Fairytale" (drawing, lineart, coloring)
[_] Drawing: "Marionette Girl" (drawing, lineart, coloring)
[_] Drawing: "Ren and Mika -redo-" (scanning, lineart, coloring)
[_] Drawing: "Broken" (drawing, lineart, coloring)
[_] Drawing: "Suki Dakara" (drawing, lineart, coloring)
[_] Drawing: "Neverland" (drawing, lineart, coloring)
[_] Drawing: "First Fall of Autumn" (drawing, lineart, coloring)
[_] Special Project: "Viola"
[_] Special Project 2: "Love, Ambiguous"

And lots more to update!

Greeting my younger sister after coming home from a long day of school and watching her shut herself up in her room in a dark cloud, reminded me of my own high school days. After a few days of experiencing high school life, my sister came home looking haggard and lifeless. When I tried to talk to her, all it took was one look and I understood what she was going through.

With no words, I saw the pain, the depression, and the loneliness.

Not counting the homework and projects thrown towards the students, friends are an important part of high school life. In my experience, having my friends close by, by my side was what helped me pull through my days when I felt insecure, discouraged, and lonely. The sad thing about high school is that people, our friends, sometimes drift away and meet new people. At the moment, my sister feels abandoned, as though all her friends are moving forward with her left behind.

Even though I understand what she is going through, I don't know how I can console her. It's hard to meet new people and make new friends, but I wish for her to become brave to do so.

My sister is normally a much more enduring person, but the person I'm seeing now is basically just a shadow of her old self. I want her to be strong, always. It hurts my heart to see her coming home drowning in tears of depression.